So right now I’m taking a break from my poetry memorization (not saying that I deserve a break – I have 3/4 ths of two poems memorized…kind of) and I was totally about to start my first Banana post, but instead I decided to tell (rant) you lovely people about my most recent passport renewal.
That renewal being today.
Now, I really don’t want to make it a habit to get all ranty on this blog…I really don’t want to be one of those people who abuse the awesome freedom on the internet to broadcast their sorry lives and problems to everyone else -when everyone else has their own crap to deal with. BUT, this is totally different -I’m not one of those people -I promise.
Its just that today started out really sorta crappy. And I will admit that this was somewhat self inflicted. Instead of getting to bed at a decent time I decided to stay up to nearly 3 am reading. Not the brightest thing to do when you’re going to take a passport picture the next morning -one that you will keep for the next ten years.
To make things slightly worse, I was sleeping on the couch and my parents had plugged up their various electrical devices to charge in the kitchen and dining room. Which is cool and normal, and shouldn’t matter -but it totally does when alarms start going at 6 am.
And why the heck are alarms so FREAKIN’ ANNOYING SOUNDING?!?!
At 6 am my Dad’s phone went off, and I was super pissed —this was actually the second or third time this had happened to me. Delirious, but still managing to make it into the kitchen without knocking into anything I fumbled with his phone as I tried to turn off the alarm.
The only thing I can actually remember thinking was me telling myself to calm down and not curse. I am someone who doesn’t like to cuss -and if I do, its usually by accident and I feel horrible about it… So instead of throwing out other choice words I remember myself going “Dam-Darn it.” When I know, in all actuality “Darn it” might as well be “Damn it.” Heh.
The second alarm was at 6:30 and it was my Mom’s phone —and it was in the dining room. Basically a repeat of the 6 am alarm -a lot of mostly restrained grumbling.
And then at 7:15 my mom’s tablet went off -repeat of the first and second alarm, but I distinctly remember being especially pissed off – “Who sets an alarm on their tablet??!?!”
The fourth alarm was my own -and I was already kinda awake because my parents were up and in the kitchen. I grabbed my pillow, and went and laid down in my parent’s bed and reset my alarm for 45 minutes later. 5 minutes later (when I was in that almost asleep but still semi-conscious stage) my Dad came into the room and was all jokey “Don’t turn around I’m naked.” I was not amused in the least.
So after I woke up and walked into the kitchen my Dad asked what was wrong with me. I just looked at him, and then sorta kinda when on the attack about him and mom keeping their stupid phones plugged up to charge in their room! Whats the point of having an alarm on when they can’t even hear it!? &^%##%^&!!!!!
I got ready and then headed to CVS to get my picture taken. I took it, got in the car, ready to drive off when I looked a the picture -I looked like I had just been beat up. No joke -it was the absolute worst picture I had ever taken in my life. Good thing I know I am not an ugly person -because the blow to my self-esteem would have been pretty bad.
I went home (CVS is a minute drive to my house) and showed it to my mom, “Look at my awesome picture.” She was equally horrified, and told me to go back and get another one taken. She then took the pictures from me and forbade me to use them.
It actually looked worse then this…I know, hard to believe.
I drove back to CVS and told the girl the pictures wouldn’t do -she told me she would take new ones at no charge if I had the originals….
I drove back home, and couldn’t help but tear up (I’m sure mostly out of exhaustion) and pound my steering wheel as I blamed my mom (even though I know/knew it wasn’t her fault at all).
She happened to be in the front yard when I pulled up. When I opened my car door I told her I needed the originals to get a new picture. She brought them over to me, but by then I was already crying (I cry easily, guys). She told me it would be okay and to just go to work and then try later when I got back. I agreed and am so glad I did.
My Dad drove me to work (I apologized) and then by the time I got home I was in a much better mood.
I went back to the CVS and brought the girl the originals, she took a photo and showed me —“Is this okay?” It was still a horrible picture -the angle was absolutely horrendous (I have a small nose and it looked huge, and I have one chin -I promise!). I asked her if she could raise the camera and do it at a slightly higher angle. She did. And wow! The person in the picture actually kind of looked like me -no 3 chins!
I then took my photo and paper work to another building, just down the road and got my passport renewed. When I gave her the picture she said that it should be okay -but just three months prior they had been given an order saying ‘no more smiling in passport photos.’
Which is kind of funny, because part of the reason why my mom wanted me to get a new one was because I wasn’t smiling.
She said she would send it anyway, if I was okay with that. I was. I was done.
Yeah, so hopefully I get my passport in plenty of time for Guatemala -but I definitely won’t be surprised if I get a call telling me that I need a new photo, just a few weeks before my trip!
You might be wondering what was the point of this post, but I feel like I need to admit how nervous I felt -just having to go back for a photo retake. I was almost willing to just use the horrible picture, because I was ‘scared’ to go back and ask the girl to take another. I was actually really nervous to ask her to raise the camera and shoot at a different angle.
Even though that situation wouldn’t be looked as one of confrontation -I am absolutely worried and scared of the thought of having to go through confrontation.
So yeah, it may seem silly, but I struggle so much to ask for favors, to ask anyone to do anything for me. So today, simply going back and getting a few retakes until I thought it was okay was a huge deal to me. And yes, everything turned out okay, the CVS employee was a very sweet girl, and what I was asking her was no big deal -I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it if I was in her position. BUT I was scared, for some reason I just can’t get it in my head that in general, most people don’t mind helping.
It was minor and I know insignificant to others, but for me, it was a step closer to asserting myself, because I know that when I move to Thailand I’m going to have to push myself and be forced out of my comfort zone more than I thought possible.
Baby steps really do add up.
The Accidental Heroine 
